Apparently, parenting doesn’t end
when your prodigy receives his hard-earned high school diploma. It just changes
into different, less hands-on, and in many ways, tougher forms.
Our oldest son went away to college a
year ago. He’s in Flagstaff, a six-hour drive, one state and one time zone (for
part of the year) away. It was hard to send him off, with a Jeep full of boxes
and clothing. We helped move in his stuff, gave him a hug and a kiss
(surprisingly, he let us) and told him to make good choices. Then we drove
away.
The university, knowing parents,
wouldn’t let us into his class-choosing session with the counselor. Parents
were banned from the entire building, with students posted at the doors
reminding us to let our kids grow up. Well played, NAU.
On the first day of his classes, he
called us. He was late to a class due to having to travel clear across campus
in too little time. For some reason, the door was locked and he couldn’t get
in. What should he do?
Being 420 miles away, I gave him some
options: Email the teacher! Try again! Do something! And then he made the best
choice: Change the class session so he wouldn’t have to worry about being late
every time.
We gave advice, he listened, and then
he made the choice that was best for him. Success!
There were times when we were glad
the distance kept us from knowing everything: “I overslept the other day and
missed class because my bedroom only has a tiny window and it’s pitch dark in
there.” “Oh, what did you figure out?” “I moved my alarm clock across the
room.” Yay!
Or, “I went around a corner in my
Jeep when it was really icy and skidded some.” Didn’t need to know that. And I
don’t really need one more thing to worry about. Please don’t tell us
everything!
Now, our youngest has started
college. He’s living at home and commuting 25 miles each way. Fortunately, it’s
on only one freeway, easy on-and-off. I say this because my son has missed
exits for entire freeways. Multiple times. “Really, Mom, there are no signs
that tell you the 10 freeway is coming up!” There are four. Yes, I counted
them.
I also worry because he was in a
terrible accident in January where his car, his pride and joy for seven months,
was totalled. It was almost worse because it was completely not his fault; the
lady made an illegal turn into him. I say worse, because all of us now know
that accidents can happen, even if you’re doing everything right. For the
longest time after the accident, I nearly had a heart attack every time he
drove his car. And yet I had to let him go. Sadly, he has a different attitude
now. We got him new rims and tires for his replacement car with the insurance
money. He wasn’t sure he wanted to spend the money, because, after all, what if
someone hits him again? I hate to see my son so jaded, already.
But I digress. Parenting a
stay-at-home college student is a whole other thing. He’s at home, and I know
when he’s studying and when he’s not. I know when his projects and papers are
due. I know what time he should be out the door.
And I’m trying to say nothing. After
all, if he was away, I wouldn’t know any of those things.
So, I leave the house when he’s still
asleep and hope he remembered to set his alarm and leave on time. (So far, so
good). I’ve only been a little naggy about getting his papers done. I’ve only
looked at his papers when he asked me to check them over for spelling and
grammar. I tried not to help him on his soldering project, except he needed me
to hold the wire while he manipulated soldering iron and solder.
It’s harder for me to treat him this
way. It would be so easy to fall into old middle-school and high-school habits.
But he’s in college now for himself, not to please us. And we have to trust
that if it’s important to him, he’ll take care of business.
Both of our boys have risen to the
challenge. Our oldest didn’t get the grades he wanted his first semester. When
he was upset about it, I just told him that he knew what he needed to do. He
did, and raised his grades a whole grade point second semester.
So far, our youngest has been getting
B’s in college (at least, that’s what he’s shown me!). Again, he knows what he
needs to do.
That’s the whole point of raising
kids…so they are doing what they should because they want to, not because we
told them to. So they can make good choices about classes, studying, and
managing their time. It’s been a hard road, but it’s worth it at the end.
Midterms are coming up soon…and I
will try to stay out of it, no nagging.
◦
◦
No comments:
Post a Comment